Discovering your sexual orientation or gender can be a paradoxical experience: both liberating and frightening. More than ever before, there are countless resources to help you along your journey. However, there is one frequently overlooked aspect of recognizing your true self that should not be ignored: your mental health.
If you identify as LGBTQ+, you are three times more likely to experience major depression or generalized anxiety compared to your heterosexual counterparts. Additionally, 40 percent of transgender individuals have attempted suicide in their lifetime. This is nearly 9 times the overall rate in the United States.
rDiscrimination, prejudice, violence, and family rejection are just a few of the contributing factors to poor mental health. To cope, some members of the LGBTQ+ community turn to unhealthy strategies in an attempt to manage feelings of loneliness, shame, or guilt.
Substance Abuse
One such coping mechanism is the use of substances. LGBTQ+ adults experience substance use disorders at more than twice the rate of straight adults.
Substance use is also an inextricable part of many gay social circles, especially dating. In fact, the gay men dating scene is famous for its use of methamphetamines. As Washton and Zweben (2009) put it, “The combination of stimulant drug use and sex, two extremely potent reinforcers, creates a “super high” that is more addicting than the drug use alone. Individuals who experience these potent effects become addicted not only to the drug, but to the combination of the drug-induced high and the highly charged drug-induced sexual experiences. For these individuals, drugs and sex are [often] inseparable.”
What’s more, sexual behaviors associated with meth use puts users at significant risk for transmission and/or infection with HIV and numerous other STIs (Peck et al, 2005; Molitor et al., 1998).
Hiding the Truth
Outside of the gay dating scene, there is another category of substance users: gay men living in heterosexual marriages dealing with feelings of shame. As Mark Falango, LCSW, CSAT-S, states in his blog, “Imagine living your life with a secret, one that you have guarded closely for many, many years, possibly starting from childhood. A secret you keep from your spouse, your children, family, friends, and co-workers. You may have built a whole life on top of and around this secret. You fear that if you reveal this hidden part of yourself you will be harshly judged, shamed, ostracized, or abandoned. You believe you have a lot to lose. At times you may contemplate embracing this hidden self, living as a whole, authentic person. But with that contemplation comes the fear that if you embrace this part of yourself your world could unravel and come crashing down around you.”
That’s where substance use comes in. As a therapist, I have worked with many closeted gay patients in rehab due to “self-medicating” and numbing their feelings of deep shame. Many felt a sense of liberation and relief when they finally came out and for several, their substance use was resolved as well.
Finding Help
Realizing your true identity can be a wonderful experience. Now more than ever, people are celebrating their gender and/or sexual orientation in a (gradually) more open-minded world. But at times, you may still struggle.
Below I’ve listed resources to help you deal with any difficulties you may be experiencing, including feelings of guilt, shame, and rejection.
And remember: if you’ve found any resources not listed here that have been helpful for you, add them in the comments below. You never know who else might need it.
LGBTQ+ and depression
LGBTQ+ and other mental health challenges, including body image, eating disorders, co-dependency issues, and intimate partner violence.
https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-2019/Mental-Health-Challenges-in-the-LGBTQ-Community
https://www.healthpartners.com/blog/mental-health-in-the-lgbtq-community/
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/thelifelgbt/2013/01/codependency-in-lgbt-relationships
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/thelifelgbt/2015/06/officially-coming-out-as-queer
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/thelifelgbt/2015/05/dealing-with-self-harm-while-being-queer
Why Perfectionism Plagues The Gay Community — And How to Deal With It
Overcoming Gay Shame & Living Authentically– https://mytherapynyc.com/webinars/living-authentic-gay-life/
Embracing Your Authentic Self–https://mytherapynyc.com/embracing-authentic-self/
Transgender identity and mental health challenges-to be added
LGBTQ+ Addiction Recovery Resources-to be added
LGBTQ+ Romantic Relationships and dating
A Therapist’s Guide to Coping After A Breakup
Find LGBTQ+affirming providers
LGBTQ+ inspiring quotes
Learn more about the diversity of LGBTQ+ population
What Does it Mean to Be Asexual?
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/thelifelgbt/2014/10/the-stigma-of-identifying-as-bisexual
Transgender Mental Health Issues: The Challenges of a Binary World
Intersection of LGBTQ+ and other minority statutes
Race and LGBTQ+ identity resources- to be added
http://blog.lighthouse.lgbt/perfectionism-plagues-gay-community-deal/dire Cocaine and Methamphetamine Addiction: Treatment, Recovery, and Relapse Prevention By A.M. Washton & J.E. Zweben. Norton Professional Books, 2009.
