The healing modality I love most is called…
Internal Family Systems, also known as IFS
This is a different kind of therapy than Family Systems therapy.
With IFS you turn toward your inward dialogue/experience to create lasting change – the fundamental solutions that will change in a positive way your overall life experience. Many clinicians have sessions that do not create internal solutions – “talk therapy” is very surface level. Some chit chat, and a an update and BOOM! Like clockwork your payment must be handed over and you are ushered out the door. A good clinician provides you with the tools you need to know in order to heal yourself. You are not a forever client – to a good clinician, you will fly on your own one day with self-created momentum. Your clinician is someone you want to learn from. A good clinician doesn’t just feed you the fish they catch, they teach you everything they can about fishing (How/Where/When/Why etc.) so that you may learn to handle life on life’s terms. You are no longer vulnerable and dependent upon your clinician. You grow to handle tough emotions, bodily experiences, spiritual crises, and difficult situations on your own, within your own psychological landscape. Your clinician should train you in how to cope with stress, manage difficult emotions, and how to get over disturbing memories from the past constructively. Do not be afraid to hunt for a good clinician. In therapy you shouldn’t just put out the weekly fires in life. You must learn a way of intervening with your own self that is meaningful and has lasting results. Deeper level therapy takes careful time and patience in order for lasting results. The best deeper-level practitioners in my opinion are those who have an Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach, with extensive trauma training and experience.
The deep psychological work of IFS can change so much of a persons life, and experience of life, because intervention is on the foundation of a person’s personality, mind and soul. Humans are not singular – instead the Self is comprised of many different aspects/parts. What I am talking about is different than multiple personality disorder. Our brain isn’t a singular entity, it is a multiple. All of us have parts, different unique aspects that make up who we are. The mothering part, and the critic part, the spy part are examples of parts. The role, function, and behaviors of each part are unique. The brain’s parts are comprised as different neural connections – a part was created when the same group of neurons fire regularly together, and as such wire together and become a part of who you are. Parts have their own perception of the world. They carry and hold FOR US experiences and emotions so that we are not overly burdened – and are better able to survive and carry on. Parts want the best outcome, but at times have maladaptive ways of doing things to make life better. (Warning: some people have a suicide part – novice clinicians must be extra cautious – clinicians must seek supervision from a talented supervisor)
An example of how a parts function to promote survival that is not helpful is “the addict part” – it tries to help life by making you go numb. When this part takes over, you have lost the ability to hold on to sobriety because sobriety means painful existence too painful to bare unless numb. Other examples of parts for example include my mothering part is compassionate, affectionate, cuddly – these neural networks fire together and create my mothering part. Other parts of me are the opposite of the mothering parts qualities. My therapist part is objective, empathetic, attuned, and good at setting healthy boundaries. The function of the therapist become wired neurons that switch on when it’s time to be in therapist mode. Another cool thing about IFS is that parts of who you are can work together (sometimes in healthy ways, sometimes not). For example sometimes when parenting the therapist gets involved to provide therapeutic intervention. Some of your parts as I write this may be open to the concept of having an internal family, others may be in denial. Listen to the words in your head and what the parts say. Not all parts know each other. Some are locked away in our mind body and soul and need help. The stronger the parts, the more they can take the drivers seat of your life. Stronger parts can dictate the system’s functioning – and consequently behavior and personality is impacted by this stronger aspect of who you are. Parts are developed in your mind body and soul at different ages/times in your life. When you hear a part, cultivate lovingness even if it is a part of you you struggle with. Remember they want to protect you. Parts can be any age. Child parts can come up in a person – and then find they find themselves being more fun loving and playful.
In IFS we teach the parts about love, collaboration, and about experiencing a state called the Self. The concept of the self is discussed in the books written by Richard Schwartz. He wasn’t the first clinician to discover or work with parts, but he developed a model explaining parts work that is very user friendly and interesting. I highly recommend his books.
PS: EMDR is another unique trauma intervention that can create major life changes in a rather short period of time (depending on the client). EMDR can be woven into IFS in a very beautiful therapeutic way. Word to the wise – I personally don’t know how any EMDR clinician is capable of providing EMDR without parts work involved.
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